What a privilege
to have stolen just a small token of your time
and to have it encompass me and throw me
suspended
into such sadness
that you
are
l e a v i n g.
River, Part 4
And once again I find my feet
heading towards the river
taking rest finally at the rippling waters edge
as I lay my heart down for her to see.
“I can’t take this anymore”
My trembling hands put my heart on the rocks
slowly pulsing
matching the movements of the water.
One beat.
“I don’t want to keep meeting like this.
Please,
take this from me and don’t bring it back.”
She says nothing.
“Say something”
Anger rises through me.
A wave rolling over me
and before I know it
I am stripping bare.
I rip my brain from my head
my bones from my limbs
I tear muscle after muscle
ripping off my skin
and rest them one by one beside my heart.
“I can’t take the thoughts
the moments turning old
I can’t take the empty
that’s leaving me cold
I can’t take the feeling
not having him to hold
I can’t take the nothingness
where our hands used to fold
I don’t want to be anything
I want to be nothing at all
so take these away, please,
and stop stringing me along”
She doesn’t reply.
I am losing hope.
Textual.
Those conversations that leave you
re-reading the messages
lost in layers of words
building stories through screens
that soon sneaks over
as a smile stretches across my lips
for the second (ok, sixth) time today.
(it’s steaming out of me)
Rising.
Those kisses that leave you
flat on your back
on your living room floor
trying to keep yourself from
floating to the ceiling
(it’s rising out of me)
Untitled.
It’s funny, isn’t it
that when we go
through these break-
ups
it’s not about
losing their love,
but really
that you lost your own love
for yourself
a long
time
ago
“All they do is talk about it, I just wanna be about it”
I remember the night we officially came together
and I said I was scared
because being with you
meant having something to lose
And then I lost you.
Does she know something I don’t?
One last touch
And I leave him
To return to Mother Earth
Cradling me to healing
As I b r e a k
Apart.
She won’t speak.
She knows there’s nothing she can say.
Only time will teach me the lesson that he was meant to bring me.
But for now, it can only hurt.
Finally the words fall from my mouth –
I wish you hadn’t taken this one away from me.
– Written October 2020
Return.
come,
take a walk
free your mind
free your thoughts
be with earth
be with moss
hear the trees
hear them toss
out ideas
that you’ve lost
reconnect
feel the pause
feel the life
feel the cause
of the flow
real and raw
and believe
you’re a part
of the rhythm
of the art
of this life
of this course
but you wonder,
what’s the source?
so just know
from the start
you have held
all the parts
they reside
in your heart.
– Written September 2020
relax.
relax, I ain't down with that all I go off is facts you're needy, then detract then want me, then back but we ain't attached you go far to prove that in the way that you act so, relax.
Written january 2020
3rd meeting with mother earth.
“We keep meeting like this”
she says to me
as I collapse into her belly.
Earth envelopes me whole
as I lay my back against her
staring into the dark grey mass
(mess)
forming above
(inside).
“You’re not broken
for roaring like thunder
and striking like lightening”
I see her lesson coming closer.
“When pressure builds
and energies rise,
Do you see me hide?
Feel everything.
Feel it so loudly you erupt like thunder.
Shake so enormously the earth moves.
Crack through silence and light up like fire.
Pour like rain and flood the land.
Storm like a summer evening
Storm up the prairie skies
Storm like there’s no tomorrow
Storm like it’s the last day of your life.
Embrace your storm
cause,
there’s a brighter sky on the other side.”
– Written August 3, 2020
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